Twas the night before Yule
And Ma was in a craze.
The young'uns had just set
All the pine boughs ablaze.
Pa was out back
Collectin' the Yule log
And diggin' a barbeque pit
For roastin' the hog.
Uncle Bubba stood guard
At the front door
Chuggin' on ale
And lookin' to score.
Aunt Sally and her coven
Had just pulled up outside.
After an early celebration
At the strip club Rawhide.
All of 'em were drunk,
Half frozen and mad
'Cause no one had told 'em
We weren't celebratin' skyclad.
The elder folk were sittin'
'Round the kerosene heater
Listenin' to Gramps call Uncle Clyde
A low-down, dirty cheater.
A Wild Turkey bottle flew
Through the window with a crash.
Clyde yellin', " Your mouth's
writin' checks
That your butt can't cash!!"
The scene broke out into
An all-out brawl
'Til Ma hollered,
"That's it! I'm acallin' the Law!"
The fight broke up,
Clyde and Gramps shook hands,
Everyone huggin' and cryin',
Pickin' up the scattered beer cans.
When out in the yard
There rose up a clatter.
We all looked out the broke window
To see what was the matter.
There was cousin Earl
Dressed up like the Oak King
A'hoopin' and a'hollerin',
Then he started to sing.
Our old hound Duke
Took out after Earl.
Earl made a run for his truck,
Screamin' like a girl.
He rolled down his window
As he sped outta sight,
Hollerin',
"Happy Yule ya'll !!!
Have a good'n, awright!!!

... Moone

Copyright © Dwareniel Moone